So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
