its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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