i already hear my dad disowning me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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