I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
