After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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