put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
