just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
