I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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