I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
