Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
