If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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