The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
