in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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