Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Too much gin, very little bucket
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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