Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
