went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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