I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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