Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
