So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
