ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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