Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
