Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
