its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I will die if light touches me.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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