I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
