you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
