I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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