you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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