There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
