I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
