I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
