Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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