just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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