last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
