Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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