So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
