My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
