i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
