i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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