I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
