ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
