I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
