Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im holly from the hills drunk
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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