the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
