first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
