i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
