im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
