I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
