Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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