i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
