Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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