I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
