Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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