Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
